Earwax

I have earwax. Sometimes it goes beyond what I can safely handle with a Q-tip and have to escalate to silly drops that I have to put in my ear while I keep my head tilted. Why the heck do our bodies produce earwax? There must be a good reason. Here are my current theories.

It's my body's way of trying to prevent me from hearing stupid things. This is not a very appealing theory since the person I most often hear speaking is myself.

It's the physical manifestation of The Force and the source of all my Jedi powers.

It's a natural camouflage that my body is producing to help me hide amongst the filth that I typically wallow in.

It's actually a very concentrated pheromone, and I would be irresistible to women if I would just stop cleaning out my ears.

It's a defense mechanism that my body produces to make my brains seem unpalatable to any nearby zombies.